What a Ham
by Poptartfrog
Summary: Vegeta thinks that his family's been hypnotized by the evil hamster-like creatures from the kiddie anime, Hamtaro. He goes to Krillian's house for help (don't ask me why..)...but WHAT'S THIS? Krillian's been taken over as well! Oh no!


Disclaimer: DBZ = not mine 

This is just a little something that I got to thinking about after watching the ending credits of Hamtaro. (it really is a pretty catchy song...) I didn't originally intended for it to be this silly, but..it just turned out this way. It was supposed to be a story about Vegeta trying to toughen up Trunks because Bulma's always smothering him with Hamtaro and Pokemon stuff....oh well this stupid thing kinda wrote itself. (with help from me **:p**) read at your own risk...it gets pretty darn stupid in some places. 

It's also kinda important to at least know a little bit about Hamtaro, or you aren't going to get some things in this story. Hopefully if you're reading this, you know who/what Hamtaro is...If you don't know what it is...it's some show starring hamsters that go on adventures. It's relentlessly happy..and sort of cute..in a sickening kind of way. I don't **hate** Hamtaro, but it's a bit too cutesy..even for me. 

Quote of the moment: If I weren't so excited, I'd be confused! (Hamtaro...) 

****** 

"The body was found near Hefner lake. Witnesses say..." 

*click* 

"Scooby Doo, where are yooou?!" 

*click* 

"And add just a pinch of salt..." 

*click* 

"I'm Cucko for Coco Puffs!" 

*click* 

"Jerry! Jerry! Jerry!" 

*click* 

"Pikachu, Gooooooooo!" 

*click* 

Vegeta glared at the TV accusingly as if it was it's fault that he couldn't find anything to watch. He scowled as yet another pointless show whizzed by. There just wasn't anything on today. The gravity room had malfunctioned (I bet ya didn't see that one coming!) half an hour ago, so the Saiyan Prince sat in his room watching televison in an attempt to pass the time. Needless to say, it wasn't working very well. 

"How can humans watch this junk?" he muttered as he continued to flip through every channel their satellite had to offer. 

He finally settled on a show which he'd found mildly amusing in the past. 

"You are an **idiot**! Does it look like I have stupid written on my forhead? 

"But she crashed into my house! My family is homeless now! We live in a trashcan. For the love of GOD...please have some mercy! 

(mocking) "But she crashed into my house. My family is homeless. boo hoo! Sir..you're LIEING. Case to the defendant!" 

(sobbing in the background) "**Judge Judy** will return in a moment." 

Vegeta snickered. "I didn't even think it was possible for a woman to be that much of a bitch." Picking the remote off his lap, he once again changed the channel in hopes that something might actually catch his attention for a minute or two. 

*click* 

***enter the TV*** 

A small orange and white hamster sat on a brown desk nibbling away at a sunflower seed, and an almost anorexic-looking looking girl sat right in front of it seated in a chair. She was jotting down everything that had happened that day in her diary. Once she was done, she turned to her pet hamster and smiled at him brightly. 

"Gee, Hamtaro," she began. "Today was just SUCH a gosh diddle darn amazingly fun aMAZing adventure! And you know what? I bet tomorrow will be even more amazing!" 

Hamtaro finished off his seed and turned it's furry little head to the side. 

"I dunno, Laura," Hamtaro squeaked happily. "Today was pretty darn amazing!" 

"Yea but I bet tomorrow will be even better!" 

Hamtaro bit the inside of it's cheek nervously. "I think I'm gonna have to disagree with you there Laura. Today was simply TOO amazing to top. It's just not possible for tomorrow to be better." 

The girl's eye twitched a few times and she clenched her pen a bit harder. "Hamtaro," she began, obviously trying to control her temper. "Tomorrow IS going to be better. We always have to look forward to the next day because tomorrow will ALWAYS be better." She narrowed her eyes dangeriously before continuing. "Understand?" 

"......." 

***exit the TV*** 

Vegeta blinked at the sight before him. "No wonder humans act so strange," he thought to himself. "They're brainwashed into being soft-hearted weaklings that brightly look forward to each day like it's some sort of grand adventure. They watch rubbish like this and grow up to be morons! Hmph...well at least I don't have to worry about Trunks watching any of this nonsense. He's far too manly to be interested in such foolishness." 

Satisfied that Trunks would never watch such a thing, he stretched out on the bed folding his arms behind his head. He lay there for a moment or two staring at the ceiling before he was struck with a horrific thought. He had no way of knowing if Trunks watched those kinds of shows or not. He was hardly ever with the boy. "Hmm...well the boy is part Saiyan..there's no way he could find interest in such childish shows...well, as far as I know he doesn't watch such things, but I suppose... it couldn't hurt to check." Deciding that was the best course of action, he turned off the television and slid out of bed. 

He headed down the hallway at a steady pace but suddenly stopped dead in his tracks. His Saiyan hearing was picking up a faint melodic sound. Singing? As he got closer to the stairway, the singing rose in volume. 

"Ya ya ya ya ya! Oo la la la! Ya ya ya ya oo la la! Ya ya ya ya ya! Oo la la la. Ya ya ya ya ya! Oo la ya la!!" 

_No....Bulma, how could you let him watch such a thing? _

He raced down the stairs, nearly tripping in his panic. Vegeta's heart nearly stopped as he took in the sight before him. Bulma sat on the living room couch with baby Trunks in her arms...and they were watching...... 

wait for it.... 

"HAMTARO!!!!!!!" Vegeta screamed angrily. "BULMA, what do you think you're DOING?!!!" 

Bulma looked up in complete surprise, as if she didn't think she'd done anything wrong by allowing...no ....scratch that.. MAKING Vegeta's son watch such a horrifically cute and cuddly show. 

"What does it look like I'm doing, Vegeta? she asked innocently. "I'm watching TV with Trunks. Care to join us, honey?" She patted the seat next to her for emphasis. 

Vegeta's eyes widened enormously as he realized what she was trying to do. He took a step back and slowly shook his head. "No..no..I'll NEVER join you!!" he screamed dramatically. "Never!" And with that he did a 180 and busted right through the wall. 

Bulma's mouth hung open for a few seconds, but then she realized how stupid she must look having her mouth wide open...so she closed it. What on earth had gotten into Vegeta? All she had done was invite him to watch TV with her and his son, and he had completely flipped out and ran right through the wall. Had he ever to stopped to consider the fact that maybe..just maybe...she didn't **want** a Vegeta shaped hole in her wall? The man was just insufferable! He never thought about anyone except for himself. 

"ARGH! He is fixing that hole himself when he gets back!" 

(AN: No Vegeta's not going to go to stupid Goku. He always goes to Goku's house in fanfics. What's up with that anyway? ....I've got news for you..he hates Goku. That's the last place he'd go. Let's be different, shall we? He can go to bum bum bum....KRILLIAN's house!..but first...a quick scene with Vegeta flying around in the woods!) 

****** 

Vegeta zoomed through the air frantically. Unfortuantely, because of his intense speed...and his tendecy to not look where he's going...he didn't see the branch until it was too late. 

*whamo!!* 

He lay there for a few minutes, unmoving. Then he got up and went on his merry way again! 

****** 

*Knock* *Knock* *Knock* 

Krillian looked up from his TV for a second and then turned back to it just as fast. "Come in!" he shouted from his seat. "The door's open" 

Not a second later, the door burst open and in came a rather desperate looking Vegeta. 

"uh..Vegeta..what are you doing here?" the bald monk asked.

"Look Baldy,"Vegeta began. 

"Krillian," the bald man interjected, walking over to where Vegeta was standing. 

"Crome dome." 

"Krillian..." 

"Cueball." 

"KRILLIAN!" 

"Guy that...doesn't have any hair.." 

"**KRILLIAN!!!!**" 

"I don't have time for this, Kevin!" Vegeta yelled, slapping the bald midget across the face for no apparant reason. 

"I guess that's close enough," Krillian muttered, rubbing his cheek absently. Vegeta hadn't hit him very hard...but he couldn't understand why in the world Vegeta had slapped him in the first place. He sure was acting weird. "What happened?" he asked cautiously. "What are you doing here? 

"Everyone at Capsule Corp has been hypnotized by evil hamsters!! You should have seen the way Bulma looked at me. It was so FREAKY." 

"Woah woah...wait a second," Krillian laughed. "You mean Hamtaro? Man...EVERYbody loves Hamtaro, Vegeta." 

Vegeta gritted his teeth and began to back away slowly. "No..not you too. I thought I could trust you." 

Krillian looked surprised. "Um..what made you think that? We don't officially start to respect one another until around..the Buu saga. The Cell saga hasn't even begun yet. You're way mixed up, Vegeta." He eyed the Saiyan critically, before breaking into a huge grin. "But don't worry about it! It's nothing a little Ham Ham song can't fix! That's what I was watching before you got here, and the song's just now coming on. With that, he stepped towards the TV and turned the volume up to as loud as it would go. 

Vegeta's left eye twitched slightly as he watched Krillian twirl around like a candy wrapper caught in an updraft. The shiny-headed man clapped his hands over his head while jumping up and down, singing along with the TV....He basically did just about every stupid looking movement known to man-kind. (including crawling around on all fours) 

(----> insert stupid annoying Krillian voice here) "Let's make a wish! oo oo make it come true! Singing along with us is all you do! Come on and do your very best. oo oo Make a hundred on your test! All of your dreams will come truuuuue! Come on and sing this secret spell; it's just for you. Think of all the love we'll bring! Hamtaro will know just what to do! This will be our song come on and siiing!" 

"MAKE IT STOOOP!!!" Vegeta screamed, pressing his gloved hands hard against his ears in an effort to crush his skull....uh or to block out that horrible song..at this moment, he really didn't care which happened. Unfortunately, even with his hands covering his ears..he could still hear the music loud and clear. Curse his fantabulous Saiyan hearing! Oh god....his head hurt. The pounding...why wouldn't it **STOP**? 

"AHHHHHHHHHH!!!! It's the pounding of that hideous television!" he shrieked in an almost hysterical manner. He glared at the machine hatefully and grabbed for the nearest object. Unfortunately, the nearest object happened to be Krillian's bald head. 

"Vegeta, NOOOOOOOOO!!! Put me down..put me down! I haven't even gotten to the Hamsters' names yet! Oxnard..Boss.. uh..Beju..Hamtaro...Damn, I can't remember them all right now. Just gimme a sec...they'll come to me." 

Vegeta laughed evily and threw his arm back, making sure Krillian was lined up with the TV. "Now DIIIIIIEEEE!!!!" he screamed, smashing Krillian into the television head first. The song stopped immediately, and Krillian's legs hung bonelessly from their place sticking out of the TV. 

"Well," Vegeta said, very much relieved. "That takes care of that." 

"Oh it does, does it?" a squeaky and yet oh so familar voice asked. 

_No..it can't be him.._

Vegeta slowly turned around and looked upon his most fearsome opponent ever. All three inches of him. The one and only Hamtaro stood a good five feet away smirking in a most unpleasant way. 

"You aren't real," Vegeta replied shakily, getting into a fighting stance. "There's no way that this is really happening..." 

Hamtaro smirked cruelly. "Oh I'm real alright. I'm as real as they get." His smile faded after a moment and he became solem. "Vegeta...you're the only one who hasn't joined me. Why? I can give you power that you've only dreamed about." 

"I don't need your help," Vegeta growled angrily. "I'll never join you...NEVER." 

Hamtaro smiled slightly. "Well then Vegeta," he replied sinisterly, also getting into a fighting stance. "You will DIE!!!! 

And then they clashed, two of the strongest most fearsome warriors to ever set foot on earth. They exchanged a flurry of fists and paws in the blink of an eye. Hamtaro then kicked Vegeta savagely in the gut causing him to fall to his knees. 

"No..I can't loose...to a hamster..."

"It's all over now, Saiyan" Hamtaro yelled, before breaking off into a hysterical laughing fit. Once he'd caught his breath, the hamster then jumped on Vegeta's neck and with all four paws, began to choke the life out of him! 

For some reason Vegeta felt so drained. He couldn't even move to defend himself. "No..." he gasped weakly. "How is this possible? He's just a hamster!!" (a hamster with mad skills!) 

*******  
"No...no...no.. NOOOOOOOOO!!" 

Vegeta bolted upright, drenched in sweat and breathing heavily. Unforunately, he soon found he was in a bunk bed so he hit his head pretty hard on the bottom of the top bunk...which hurt. "Ow," he moaned, clutching his forehead tentatively. 

Just then, Bulma walked into the room. When she saw that he was awake she smiled and approached the bed. 

"Damn it...what am I doing here?" 

"Well, Vegeta, all I know is that I was sitting in the living room watching some hamster show with Trunks and then you come in yelling at me. Then you said something about not joining me.... uh..and then you busted through the wall and ran off. Then about two hours later, Piccolo came over with you're unconsious body. He said it almost seemed like you'd run into a tree. Isn't that silly? 

"......." 

"and...I put you to bed. You had a pretty bad bump, but other than that, you seem to be okay." 

Vegeta narrowed his eyes slightly. "You put me in a bunk bed?!" 

"Well, it seemed like a good idea at the time..." 

"I didn't even know we had a bunk bed!" 

"Well it just so happens that I ordered one a few days ago and it came about the same time that Piccolo brought you over. So he helped me take both you and the bed in..and." 

"Alright already! I don't want to hear anymore of your nonsense. Piccolo sure is being nice in this story. Pretty out of character if you ask me. It seems like the only reason his character was even used to be the one to "save" me is because he supposedly spends more time in the woods than everyone else or something." 

Meow: Okay..I think it's time for this fic to be over now.... 

*everyone cheers* 

THE END....or is it?

Vegeta: YES it is the end!

Okay fine..it's the end...

******

Vegeta: You know..that stupid dream sequence thing has been done sooo many times. It's an escape route for loser writers who can't think of a good way to end the story. 

Meow: Well..it HAD to be a dream, Vegeta. I mean, you got beat up by a freaking hamster. I would think that you'd **want** it to be a dream. I sure as heck am not going to write a fic about you getting beat up by Hamtaro without it being a dream. 

Vegeta: I guess so....but you should have just left the stupid hamster fighting part out. Then you wouldn't have had to deal with it. 

Meow: But I liked that part...it was awesome. 

Vegeta: It was stupid 

Meow : Okay fine. It was stupid...are you happy now? 

Vegeta: ecstatic...

Meow: Well that's it, guys. Please review and tell me what you think. I'm well aware of how stupid this was. I'm not sure if anyone else will find it funny. I did, but then again I tend to be pretty easily amused. 


End file.
